Can I have my gills back?

One of our college students at Memorial Drive told me they were recently required to attend a lecture with the topic Finding Your Inner Fish. Or something like that.  Seriously.

According to the lecturer, oops! humans aren’t evolved from apes after all.  The truth of the matter is we are ascended from fish.   Or descended.  Depending on your point of view.  I’m sure Aquaman (see? proof!)  has a few fish friends who are always telling him that humans are bringing down the entire neighborhood.

I’ve always thought it would be cool to have the ability to breathe underwater.  Before if you asked me why I felt that way I would probably have said because it’s a cool thing to do merely for cool’s sake .  That’s all.  Now, however,  I’m wondering if I felt that way because my human brain isn’t fully evolved yet (Amy’s conviction) and the fish part of my brain wants to go home. While I figure it out I’m staying away from large bodies of water lest the fish part of my brain stage a coup then forces me to throw myself in the water.  I’ll drown.  Unless I get my gills back.

It shouldn’t surprise me if Finding Nemo becomes required viewing in science classrooms across the country.  And in many a therapist’s office too.  When it happens I’m going to blame the “educated” know-it-alls in charge of school curriculum’s and psycho-therapist’s everywhere.  Not to mention President Obama.  For good measure.

They say eating lots of fish is a good thing.  The everlasting damnation I’m going to suffer for cannibalism will be nothing like the hell health experts will have to endure for advocating the societal benefits of genocide.  Poor things.

Meanwhile, I’m glad we can’t understand what our fishy cousins are trying to say.  At least I can’t.  Hearing them beg for mercy when they are yanked out of the water with a sharp hook would probably be enough to send me scrambling for some Prozac.  I don’t know how Aquaman does it.


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