I’ve had a reconciliation with my dad. I’m so happy.
I discovered the dad who existed in my mind and memories no longer lives. The dad whom I feared is dead. The dad who could not comprehend or appreciate my simplistic trust in Jesus has now surpassed me in his willingness to live in the realm of child-like faith.
Somewhere along the journey I lost my way.
There was a time my simple faith drove my dad to distraction. For instance, when I was in junior high my dog was hit by a car. That I wasn’t frantic with worry, while the vet fought for her life, bewildered my dad. He interpreted it as a lack of concern on my part. It seemed to anger him.
He inquired. Though I don’t recall my exact words they were something along the lines of… I’m not worried because Jesus will fix her.
My faith was such that that was the end of the matter for me. I carried on as if nothing was wrong. No worries. Only trust. In Jesus.
What happened? It has become apparent to me, especially over the last few months, how far I’ve fallen. Where is the boy with faith so sure? Trust has turned to fear and faith reduced to cynicism for the man he became.
Last week I demonstrated my expertise in worry and fear while sitting in my dad’s living room. There are few more skilled than I am in the art of wretched, hand-wringing, God-denying and life-killing anxiety. That our Lord would nudge me back to reality by a man who seemed to mock my faith so long ago is nothing short of miraculous. In fact, decades later I find it gloriously and wonderfully ironic that the grown-up I knew as dad has become like the boy I once was.
In a way no one else could my dad reminded me of what I’d been, how far I’ve fallen and the road I must travel. He showed me the way home. He did so by gently saying over and over… So what? Don’t worry son. Jesus will take care of you! In his words I heard a know-nothing boy in junior-high saying the very same thing. In his words I could see Jesus smiling at me while saying, “Welcome home!”
It’s always good to be home.
I’m in awe of my dad. Much to my surprise- and in spite of my lack of belief that he would ever open himself up to the presence of Jesus Christ- he has taken all the lemons life ever gave him and offered them up to our great God. Today he is drinking the sweet lemonade of which the recipe is known only to the King of kings and Lord of lord’s. Last week he gave me a drink. It’s delicious!
Dad, of all the men I know there are two whose life examples tower above the rest. One of them is Amy’s dad. Ken’s faith and determination to embody all that is Christ-like is such that if the Bible were being written today his name would be mentioned in the same breath as Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. To those who know Ken they know this is no exaggeration. It simply is.
I want you to know that you are the other man. Dad, when I grow up I hope I’m like you.
love, your son.
P.S.
For those who care to know- my dog did die. Of natural causes. Years later.
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Wow! Knowing some of your history, I am filled with joy over this reconciliation brought about by the ever-active and over-abundant grace of God. Truly there is no situation, relationship, nor anything else seemingly hopeless that our loving Father cannot take hold of and redeem. I’m so happy for you Craig – and for your dad too.
As he lay dying, one of the final things my father spoke of was forgiveness for my brother. Unfortunately, he died never experiencing that reconciliation with his son that he so desired. I know how much that hurt him, and being a father myself, I can certainly understand that pain. I am so glad that our Father has given your father (and you) this precious gift.
Thanks Nick. I’ve got a picture of you and my dad from the time we flew down from New York? Remember? You were 16. I bet you’re a great dad. Amy and I think of you guys often. Love ya.
First of all son, to answer you text msg of this morning, I had a great round of golf. Today at the club was our big money ($5) per player tournament. Tied for second place. Won back my $5 and a whole quarter to boot. Ain’t I just the lucky one. Thanks for the kind comments in your blog. Although the occasion of my Mom’s passing put some stress, not to mention grief on us, it was wonderful to have you and Amy here and have the opportunity to hug you. No matter what you may have thought from time to time, I never stopped loving you, nor was I ever angry with you.
I just never got to hear from you. But as you found out, I have friends in high places. Every night I prayed that the Lord would intervene in some way and clear the path to a permanent father/son relationship between us. He has done so as only He can. My prayer each night about you is a little different now. I thank the Lord for what He has done for us. Also because I’m pretty hard-headed, God had to let me fall a long way before He could get my attention. What I learned that living God’s plan is like buying a used car. His plan is always for a newer model and prettier color than I would have chosen. The Lord has my whole life, because He does better with it than I can. That is my new prayer for you. That you let the Lord take over every aspect of your life, hold nothing back from him. Trust Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior to meet your every need.
Dad
Hey there Craig’s Dad! I just want you to know that your son turned out to be a pretty good guy. I am proud to call him my friend and my brother. I see Jesus in him in a big way. You can be very proud of him. I know he is proud of you.
Craig, thanks for sharing your life. I am confident He is working in you and will take care of you. I don’t know what the future holds but I know He is in control, for you, for me. I love it that He has brought about this reconciliation between you and your dad. I know that was a source of pain for you and for him also I am sure. It is so cool that God was working behind the scenes on both of you all this time preparing you for just the right time. All good things come in His time. You know that as well as I do. And while we wait on Him to move we just keep loving each other. You make our life better. Love you brother.
Craig, and Audie, wonderful what God can do in our lives, things we never imagined could or would happen. It is great for you all to know each other through Jesus. We all need to be held together in Jesus’ arms. He will protect us and guide us through all things on this earth to heaven.
We love you,
Sharron and Ken
Craigy…Read the blog and your Dad’s reply and you KNOW my response. Absolute joy.
You are loved. You too, Amy, and Audel. Judy
Craig
I remember so many years of praying for both my parents and feeling like “a stranger in a strange land” when I was home. I think they really believed I had been abducted by aliens…esp. when I wanted to do mission work instead of REAL work (haha!).
I also remember the joy when my Mom became much more than my mother…when she became my sister in Christ. And my Dad…just one short year before he died, he finally bowed his head to Jesus and spent his last year in daily prayer and Bible reading. My Mom is finally teaching me and leading me spiritually as I felt I was doing for her for many years. I can’t say who I am happier for…her, or me? Either way – I share your joy and your Dad’s! Much love to you and Amy…and remember we are only 4 hrs from Tulsa!
Crystal